Sorted by: Theme: Essay

Written Story by Anonymous

Covid-19 was a surprise pandemic. I did not think that it was going to last for more than two years. I was relieved when we had the vaccine specially for healthcare workers and for many immunocompromised categories. I did not think that I was going to get Covid because I took precautions by wearing mask, washing hands, avoiding crowds and avoiding travels. It was sad not to visit my family members and friends for two years but it was better not to spread germs or being exposed from them. Many people were exposed and they were very sick . Many people lost their lives including friends and relatives.it was very scary for the first year specially when we did not have the vaccines for everyone. I had Covid and I stayed home for one week and it was not easy. Many of my friends had Covid and some of them were very sick ,others had mild symptoms.

I remember when we were in the house for 3 months and it was the longest time I stayed in the house without visiting my family and friends. The best experience I had was working from home for 3 months. I spent more money on groceries, vitamins, good water, masks, hand sanitizers and cleaning supplies. I avoided public transportation as much as I could. I did not plan any parties for my family and friends for a long time . I avoided traveling over seas for family visit. I did not like the Covid test at all especially the nasal swab for rapid test and all the advanced Covid tests.Now the Covid is declining everyday in the different countries. I am so glad we don’t have to wear masks everywhere even when traveling. We can wear masks at the hospitals but many places now it is not mandatory anymore because Covid cases continue to decline. It is nice to go to church , restaurants, parks, movie theaters and many places without masks.I can take public transportation without masks as well. Some people are getting sick from Covid but they are having mild symptoms. I am so happy to see few cases of Covid and less cases of hospitalizations. It is nice to see Covid vaccines being available to everyone and it is very important and very helpful to have the information available and medical insurance coverage available for people who can not afford to pay for their health insurance coverage. I would like to thank God for protecting us and all our loved ones. I would like to thank the healthcare professionals who helped us to get through these tough times and the research employees who worked really hard during the Covid. Non profit’ organizations were very helpful as well with helping so many communities with low income families to be able to afford rent, food, healthcare and school fees for their children. Our government did a great job and more people who helped.

Themes:

Care & COVID 19Community Connection & IsolationEssayGrief & ChangeInspiration & Hope

Medium: Written

Author: Anonymous

Date Submitted: November 27, 2023

Bio:

Community member

Written Story by Anonymous

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The first time I heard about Covid-19, I thought it was the same as any flu that will be over in a couple of weeks. Suddenly, schools were going online, typical school experiences were a thing of the past. I was anxious out of my mind about my last year of high school. My last year of high school, as well as my last year in the early college at Portland Community College, had just begun. I had to take college classes while trying to complete both my high school and associate’s requirements. When we had to switch to online school, I remembered feeling like failure was inevitable for me since I had not anticipated not being in an online environment. I was feeling overwhelmed because I had to adjust to a different learning environment on top of having to juggle my high school and college requirements. I was unfamiliar with learning online and did not know how to navigate this new system. It was a lot of pressure for me to learn all the various tools and techniques quickly. I found myself stuck in feelings of incompetence. I had to take classes like human anatomy and statistics. I convinced myself that I couldn’t do it and that I would not be able to get my associate’s like I wanted. I started showing anxiety symptoms, especially through binge eating because of fear of disappointing myself and my family. I experienced an increased sense of pressure and feeling overwhelmed because I was constantly comparing myself to others and believing I couldn’t keep up. I also felt like I was letting myself and my family down, which led to feelings of guilt and shame. This further compounded my anxiety and negative thoughts. Due to the lockdown in those early stages of Covid-19, I couldn’t get out of my house or find a place to do other things that didn’t pertain to schoolwork. This made it difficult to find a sense of balance and break the cycle of comparison and perfectionism. It also prevented me from taking much-needed breaks and engaging in activities that could help me manage my stress, such as exercise, meditation, or talking to friends. Fortunately, Zoom became famous quickly and a group of people were able to meet online. I had several opportunities to get together with my youth group from church to talk and go through the word of God and remind me that I am not alone even when I think I am. It allowed for a sense of community to remain during this uncertain and isolating time. It gave me the chance to take a break and speak with friends. This helped take my mind off of the stress of the pandemic for a time and gave me a sense of peace. It was a great way to share our joys, sorrows, and experiences with each other. We were also able to use it to stay connected to our church family and keep up to date with all of the latest news and events. There are still after-effects of my experiences of Covid. I was diagnosed with anxiety and obsessive-compulsive disorder in 2021. Most people don’t know if the internal issues I suffered during Covid and even now when the after-effects can be felt. I am glad that I was able to get help when I needed it and found a way to deal with what I was going through.

Themes:

Care & COVID 19Community Connection & IsolationEssayGrief & ChangeHealth CareIdentity & Social ChangeInspiration & HopeMental Health/WellbeingWork/Unemployment

Medium: Written

Author: Anonymous

Date Submitted: November 27, 2023

Bio:

I am a girl who struggled internally through Covid years. I got the courage to seek help and rebuild the self-competence I had in myself. I started to take care of myself and my mental health. I became more aware of the needs of my body and mind. I learned to put myself first and prioritize my well-being.

Written Story by Emily D.

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The traffic has come to a screeching halt, as it so often does during heatwaves. Portland is a city that doesn’t like extremes; if it got too cold, the city would shut down beneath the 2” blanket of snow. If it got too hot, like today, the tunnel to Hwy 26 would back up all the way to the 217 exit.

Of course, I was grateful to be stuck in traffic— given just two years ago the road was much emptier as Portland faced a different extreme that would grind us to a halt. Perhaps Oregon wasn’t the worst state to be stuck in during a global pandemic. Especially compared to some of the other states I heard about on the news. I was grateful our lawmakers and state representatives had taken the virus seriously and prioritized worker safety when it mattered most. In some states, ~~martyrs~~ people were not given the same luxury.

In the beginning of the pandemic, back when the common belief was that in 2-3 weeks “this whole thing would be over”, I was actually relieved to have an extended spring break. The previous terms had been hard as I struggled to adjust to my new college environment. But the relief would be replaced with longing. I couldn’t stay at home for very long, as family tension (exacerbated by the pandemic) forced me to find housing elsewhere. I was alone, barring my cat, in an apartment 200 miles away from my loved ones. The independence that had once tasted so sweet, was now soured by anxiety and depression.

So, I began to walk. First, just around the neighborhood. Then, I started walking a little further with no real destination in mind. Walking gave me a space to check in with my feelings and talk to myself. In each step, I could feel my fears coming to the surface. What if something happens to my parents? Will I get through this next school year? How do I fight this loneliness? I’m scared. Walking through the wooded hills of West Eugene, I tried to find normalcy in the small things. Like the neighborhood cats that would meow at me from their perch on the front lawn— as though they too knew to keep a distance. I tried not to let my eyes settle for too long on the empty playgrounds or shuttered businesses.

A lot of the pandemic can be measured in loss. For the longest, loss was the only way for me to mark the passage of time. Oh, this is when I would’ve been travelling for my honor society convention. Today is graduation week— is there a graduation? I would’ve started work today. When I was walking, I could see my progress. Everyday, the walk would get a little longer until I was walking 3-5 miles daily. Walking was the only control I had over my life at this time and I savored every mile.

Today, sitting in the hot, June traffic, I am grateful to have a destination to attend in the first place. I no longer measure my life through absence but rather I look for the parts that keep my heart full. I am grateful to be surrounded by my friends and family and that they survived the COVID pandemic. I am grateful that I successfully finished school and was able to return to Portland. While I no longer walk miles and miles everyday, I’ve retained the practice of checking in with myself and taking stock of my feelings. I’m scared sometimes but it’s okay. And the traffic begins to ease.

Themes:

Care & COVID 19Community Connection & IsolationEssayGrief & ChangeInspiration & HopeMental Health/Wellbeing

Medium: Written

Author: Emily D.

Date Submitted: November 27, 2023

Bio:

I am a 22-year-old Black woman born and raised in Portland. I was a student at the University of Oregon during the pandemic and graduated in 2021.

Written Story by Egide Dukuzumuremyi

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The pandemic has been a difficult, dramatic time for so many of us, for so many different reasons. We have lost loved ones, had our families torn apart, struggled financially and emotionally. Some of us have been stressed by overwork, others by sudden unemployment. We have had to shield from the outside world or been reluctantly obliged to mix with it.

I am sharing my journey of life during Covid-19, experience and the changes.

When Covid-19 hit, in 2019 I was a Student at Portland State University, and I was a full time Nike employee working as a manufacturing technician. I was working Monday to Thursday and then go to school two days a week as a part time student. Even though the life was busy, but it was good. In my free time, I liked to spend time playing sports like Basketball with friends, working out at gym, reading and hanging out with family and friends. Suddenly, Covid-19 hit, and everything quickly changed. After start having new cases, Nike company where I was working by the time shutdown most of its facilities where we temporally stopped going to work. The state also announced social distancing and asked people to stay in their houses unless they have important trips. During the staying home, I was watching news every day, keeping track of rising of the Covid-19 new case numbers and checking on my people around the world. In other side, I was thanking my lucky stars that I was neither a part of the statistics nor anyone I know until one day I heard news about two people from my community who were contracted by Covid-19. Later during staying home, I started feeling some changes in my life but particularly emotionally and mentally. It started to feel very isolating life. having no exposure to anyone else outside of your immediate family started creating something like social disconnection that took a ton in me due to loving to be around people. I will carry stress always thinking about how I am living not a normal life anymore. Living with chronic stress can have lasting consequences on physical and mental health. But nearly two years into this global crisis, those who study the impacts of stress are seeing evidence of something else suggested by prior research. How people perceive stress plays a major role in its impact. There, I saw how stress related to COVID-19 was particularly impactful, because it disproportionately impacted higher-risk, vulnerable populations, including those with chronic medical conditions or those with disabilities. As far as employment, I didn’t stay to the same Job due to layoffs and some changes in the Company due to the pandemic. Later, I started driving for uber and Lyft and this is because I wanted to have a Job that can help me talk to people and be around them again. But in other side, it was an exposure for getting contracted with Covid-19 unless you completely follow CDC safety guidelines as it was announced. The first time getting Covid-19, I was hit very bad that I thought it’s not Covid but Malaria because I had it before. I was glad I fought it for a week in Quarantine and resting my body with immune support medicine. Today, I am grateful that we finally got vaccines and it is no longer considered as a public health emergency. I am happy that we are back to other normal of life. Nevertheless, this pandemic left us with a lesson of staying alert and have good pandemic preparedness in case of what comes in the future. Thank you!

Themes:

Care & COVID 19Community Connection & IsolationEssayMental Health/WellbeingWork/Unemployment

Medium: Written

Author: Egide Dukuzumuremyi

Date Submitted: November 27, 2023

Bio:

I am 32 years old, single. I work with a non-profit organization as a community engagement Specialist. I am also a student getting in master’s program of Public Health.

Written Story by Anonymous

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In the beginning of COVID, there were two things I feared: the disease itself and the fear of getting COVID. As a disabled person with multiple medical issues, I listened to the news reports of the lack of staff, the lack of personal protective equipment, the lack of facilities, and the need to categorize or prioritize people who became infected by able bodied or disabled. The able bodied were identified as contributing members of society, less expensive to treat, and more likely to survive and recover from the disease. I felt fear and anger that should I seek treatment for COVID as a disabled person, I would be refused admission to the hospital or admitted to the hospital and then left in a corner to die.

This fear created an extremely high level of anxiety as I found myself isolating myself from family members and friends in order to not be infected. Those family members included people older than me with disabilities as well and serious chronic health conditions. Knowing that if they tested positive for COVID meant that they would be given a death sentence. How could their age and their disabilities be considered an inconvenience for the health care system? How could my disabilities be considered the benchmark for whether or not I would receive care. I have never felt so unwanted by society as I did during these early days of COVID. When I spoke out about the ranking of able-bodied people over disabled people to receive treatment, I was shocked to hear able-bodied people tell me that I was a selfish individual. That if I had done more to be healthy before COVID, health care providers would not have had to make this decision. They acted as if my disabilities were my fault and as if my disabilities would simply go away if I wanted them too.

I felt like I had to hide myself away to protect myself not only from the disease but from society itself. I missed my grandson being born and had to view him through the front window of his living room. A piece of glass between us to protect him and myself. Months later after I was vaccinated, I was finally able to hold him. I cry writing this now as just picking him up in my arms felt like the world might be becoming right again. When I was vaccinated, it felt like every part of my body where I experienced lifelong conditions and chronic health issues was attacked. I could barely walk and it felt like every nerve was on fire. I had little strength or ability to complete the smallest tasks. This lasted for weeks. When I brought up my symptoms, I was ignored initially. I suffered endlessly with no relief in sight. Eventually, those symptoms would diminish but I still experience pain in my legs and a feeling of constant exhaustion. I can only hope that our society has learned from COVID to make sure that everyone in the community is protected and cared for no matter what the crisis, disaster or emergency. No one should feel isolated and fear seeking medical help as a disabled person.

Themes:

AbleismCare & COVID 19Community Connection & IsolationDisability/ImmunocompromisedEssayGrief & ChangeHealth CareIdentity & Social ChangeMental Health/Wellbeing

Medium: Written

Author: Anonymous

Date Submitted: November 27, 2023

Bio:

I have been disabled since I was thirteen as a result of a serious medical condition. I have experienced bias and discrimination since age 13 around my disability. It was not until COVID that I felt completely alone and vulnerable and feared for my life if I sought medical treatment.

Written Story by Delray Billy

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Hi , I am a 33 year old single mother to 2 boys ages three & twelve. I’m an enrolled tribe of the Navajo Nation from Utah. My kids are half Navajo. I moved to Oregon 13 years ago. In my language Yá’áh t’ééh means hello. Introducing yourself back home we usually say our name, who our parents are, how old we are, our 4 clans, what town we live in in the Navajo language.

This was my second time catching Covid. I’ve caught Covid a year into the pandemic right before it first mutated but didn’t have any symptoms & had a partner at the time which made things easier as far as cooking & support. I didn’t know I had Covid until I lost my smell when I was using my favorite body wash on the fourth day. I was very tired and had a headache the first three days, had no appetite, runny nose & slept all day/night. At first I thought I was sick I was taking all kinds of over the counter medicine & nothing was working. Wondering why I was so tired and had body aches I thought I was just sore from the gym maybe it was both.

I don’t have any family in Oregon so my older son made sure his little brother ate while I slept. He would wake me up to change his diaper. I was unable to stay awake in those three days it was like I took NyQuil or some sort of sleeping aid. My kids didn’t have any symptoms until three to four days later. I got my energy back on the 4th day. When my kids caught it my oldest had the same symptoms as I had so we all took an at home Covid test. My youngest had a runny nose but didn’t seemed like it bothered him much. I’m happy we are all okay and got better compared to hearing other peoples stories it could’ve been worse. When I went back to the gym after I got better I was stronger after taking 2 weeks off.

I normally workout 1hr 45mins 6 times a week so I didn’t give my body much rest days. I’m very appreciative for the people who were able to pay my utility bill during my quarantine. Appreciate my family members & friends that called to check in on us to see how we’re doing. We are all not vaccinated also if that information helps in any way. We’re also pretty active and a healthy family. We go to the park, take walks, bike riding. I am a nursing mom if other moms find it helpful. The pros about catching Covid I’d say we got to send more time & appreciate life & relax. Con isn’t a bad con but I really missed the gym. I do weightlifting to gain so it’s the best part of my day everyday that helps me get through my day. It’s something I get to do for myself on the little free time that I get for myself.

Ahéhee (Thank you) for taking the time to read my story.

Themes:

Care & COVID 19Community Connection & IsolationEssay

Medium: Written

Author: Delray Billy

Date Submitted: November 27, 2023

Bio:

I’m a female, love my family, love the gym, love food & bike rides.

Written Story by Cori-Anne Woodard

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A Grocery Store Worker in Covid Times

I am the person at the grocery store who moves the carts around, the person who cleans the bathrooms, the person who helps you shop, the person who drops the shopping baskets in a pile, right by the door, for you, the customer, to pick up and do your shopping.

I wear the typical blue jeans uniform, work casual, with the bright colored vest so that you can see me.

But. You don’t.

For the most part, during the Covid-19 pandemic, I was just doing my job, going in to work, every day to the grocery store, as I witnessed the pandemic, and its effects, observing silently, in this town square environment, as you the customer, hoarded toilet paper, chicken, eggs, yeast, anything to make you feel like this was not the end of the world.

During these dark times, especially at first, when we didn’t know much about this new virus, a sure and silent killer, how it spread, who would get it and why. It was like being in a long, dark tunnel, an endless night, where no one goes to sleep and where no one wakes up, either.

Every single day, just like the last, no page turns, just the same words, the same sentence, over and over: Is this life, or death? Is this my last day? Is this the day I die alone, in a hospital, nurses hovering over me, like mourning doves, and my friends and family just moving images in a frame on a tiny cell phone?

One day at work, my manager asked me to stay; he had already approved unlimited overtime. The store had already met last year’s dollar intake, and the day was only half over. I moved into the place at the end of the register and began bagging groceries. Me, on robot mode, now, looking for the end of the line. There was no end. I was sleep-working, opening the bags, putting the suddenly invisible amounts of goods into the countless bags. My arms on autopilot, my eyes unable to comprehend the purchases, my senses acutely aware of the real fear in each customer’s eyes. It was the fear of a wild animal on the hunt. It was the fear of the unknown; the poignant, wretched fear of the loss of control.

I hoped no one would act out and do anything rash.

I hoped I wouldn’t get this new, terrible disease. I hoped I would see customers again. And my coworkers, I hoped they would stay well.

Themes:

Care & COVID 19Community Connection & IsolationEssayGrief & ChangeIdentity & Social ChangeWork/Unemployment

Medium: Written

Author: Cori-Anne Woodard

Date Submitted: November 27, 2023

Bio:

I’m a semi-retired senior citizen who works at a grocery store. I worked the whole pandemic at a grocery store and wanted to share my experience doing that. I studied with Tom Spanbauer in his Dangerous Writing Workshop in the 1990s. I’ve taken various writing classes at PCC, PSU Extension Haystack Program and went to Fishtrap once. I have a BA from Marylhurst University in Humanities and write whenever I can.

Written Story by Ammy Omekara

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Covid Wahala

Covid19 has been on everyone’s mind since it began. It has halted activities, outings, work, and everyday life. My parents had just come back from Nigeria when it surged. The moment they landed, news headlines were filled with the death tolls, spreading power, those at risk, community changes, lack of supplies, etc. For two years I was invincible, because I never caught the virus. I went from being able to obtain anything I desired, having a surplus of provisions to choose from, to nearly nothing overnight. I worked for a small business staffing agency that was doing well at the peak of the pandemic – candidates were getting job offers, and phone lines were ringing off the hook from clients seeking assistance. At one point, we were moved to remote work until things drastically tanked. It was almost impossible to gain new accounts, everyone was holding on to the little they had to get them through the current state. In the blink of an eye, we were furloughed, not knowing when things would be back to normal – if there would be such a thing as that. Days turned to weeks, months and years, but I still couldn’t get back to work. I burned through my savings account before I could exhale. More money was leaving my account than coming in. I wasn’t able to pay my rent, car note, food and everyday necessities. If not for the help of some concerned family and friends that mentioned unemployment benefits, food stamps and Oregon Health Plan (OHP), I would not be here today.

Mental health includes our emotional, psychological and social well-being. Oftentimes we neglect the most important organ in our bodies – our brain. If we do not fuel our bodies with the nutrients it needs to survive, it will always be on fight mode – struggling to stay functional. I’ve had the privilege to be blessed with a therapist that aids me in working through my traumas and navigating through life. Gaining the confidence, will or strength to go after everyday life has been nothing short of a struggle. There were nights I toiled with the inability to sleep, losing my appetite, finding it nearly impossible to get out of bed, and my anxiety reaching a level I was unable to control. For many months, nobody knew what was happening, but they noticed differences in my interactions, my physical appearance and overall mental health. There’s this unspoken rule that we all ought to reach a level that demonstrates having it together. But in reality, we’re just trying to get by to better understand ourselves and achieve our individual representations of success. The road to wealth is subject to change. We may plan to go through one path, but life takes an entirely different direction. No one saw this pandemic coming, but we all went through it together. We discovered our likes and dislikes, acquired new skills, sharpened old ones, gained and lost loved ones, but identified who we are as one. We are better together, than nothing alone.

Themes:

Care & COVID 19Community Connection & IsolationEssayMental Health/WellbeingWork/Unemployment

Medium: Written

Author: Ammy Omekara

Date Submitted: November 22, 2023

Bio:

I am a BIPOC, striving to navigate through life with the understanding I have of it, resources rendered to me and the ones I call family. I am a 29 year-old woman who has seen much more than the regular person should, but chooses to not be a product of her environment. Instead, I spread love, laughter and wisdom to those that need it in whatever capacity.

Written Story by Catherine

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As an immune compromised disabled person, the possibility of getting COVID-19 was terrifying. My partner is a mechanic and was considered to be an essential worker who could not work from home, so knowing he was going in and out of other people’s vehicles everyday was also very concerning for me throughout the process. Add to that the shortages of hand sanitizer, antibacterial hand soap, and various cleaning products, I often worried he wasn’t able to sanitize things well enough as he went in and out of stranger’s cars. I was constantly afraid he would get COVID-19 and pass it to me, knowing that if I got it I could end up hospitalized or dead. I began hearing stories about disabled folks in hospitals who were denied adequate medical care, and due to lack of beds and ventilators they were being left in hallways to die, as medical staff were making decisions about who lives and who dies. I was devastated to see how people with disabilities were being treated like they were insignificant and didn’t deserve to live, and I feared the worst could happen to me too.

There has been such rampant misinformation in the past several years, it has really been shocking to see how a public health crisis became such a politicized issue for so many people. It brought out some of the most selfish behaviors in a lot of people, as if they were completely oblivious to the fact that we live in a world where we should be helping support the most vulnerable people, and instead were labeling the elderly and disabled people as being disposable. It was appalling to witness so many anti-vaxxers and anti-maskers just not even care about how their actions (or lack thereof) affect so many others. The fact that so many people were saying it was their choice to not wear masks or not get vaccinated completely ignored how those choices could affect the lives of others.

Even now, I still have to deal with family members questioning my choice to wear masks and get vaccinated, by telling me “don’t believe the covid hoax” or that I am just “giving into fear.” My own mother came to visit me last year and I had insisted she needed to wear a mask on the plane even though the mask requirement had been lifted. When she was here she made a comment about people wearing masks in the airport and I said to her “but you were wearing a mask too, right?” and she responded “no, why would I do that?” I reminded her she had promised me she would and she just said “oops, I forgot.” She also questioned my insistence that she wear one in the grocery store while she was visiting, to which I said “because I am immunocompromised” and she responded, “yeah, but I’m not.” It’s been really heartbreaking at times to see so much disregard for those of us at higher risk and to see so many people just not care or understand how their choice to not wear masks can affect us.

I’ve struggled to find ways to interact in person with others while not knowing who to believe about how safe they actually are and trying to navigate risk factors on a continual basis. This was already a concern of mine for years regarding the cold and flu, but COVID-19 just brought it to a whole new level. After about a year of isolation where the only person I saw in person was my partner who I live with, I tried to find the courage to safely meet up with friends again. I ended up having multiple times where the friend I was supposed to meet with ended up canceling because they contracted COVID-19. It left me feeling like there was no point in even trying anymore and I just needed to stay inside my safe bubble.

In addition to the isolation I was feeling from the pandemic, there were so many political and social justice movements happening at once. I had family members and friends who were

following QAnon and trying to push their beliefs on me, while I was just fighting to survive. During the summer of 2020, Portland became an epicenter for white supremacists to gather during the Black Lives Matter protests. We heard helicopters and gunshots on a nightly basis, and I had numerous friends who were targeted by the Proud Boys due to their race. I even heard air raid sirens in the middle of the night a few times after Trump sent in the National Guard to take down the protestors. Then the Oregon wildfires in the summer of 2020 made it feel like I was living a post-apocalyptic nightmare. I felt completely overwhelmed that there was so much happening in the world out of my control. I hit a deep depression, consumed by my feelings of helplessness.

I found the best way to work through that pain was by throwing myself into pursuits of racial and disability justice movements. I may not be able to safely endure the front lines at protests, but I knew I could offer my skills in virtual spaces to help bring others together through these social justice movements.

In the late spring of 2020, I volunteered to help set up an online Facebook group to go along with the Crip Camp Virtual experience (a 16 week seminar focused on Disability Justice). I thought maybe a few dozen or so local Portlanders would be interested in joining a discussion group, but before I knew it the space was shared with the organizers of the event and they began promoting it as the community led FB group for people to join. Within a matter of weeks we had over 4,000 members from all over the world, and recruited an admin and moderator team of about 20 people. We then created 3 separate groups so that disabled folks could safely share their thoughts and feelings with one another, allies could have their own space, and then our moderator team had their own group to work through creating group rules together and also deal with problematic issues as they came up.

After Crip Camp Virtual finished, I was asked to step up as administrator for a Portland based Disability Justice FB group, and by the following summer I applied to be on the board of a new Disability Justice nonprofit. There I became the project manager of a virtual zoom space called “Crip Create” that is rooted in the principles of Disability Justice. This space helps bring together disabled folks from all over the world to be in community with one another for coworking, body doubling, and socialization. It has been incredibly valuable to help those of us still living in isolation to have a sense of comradery and validation for the experiences we have due to the numerous oppressions we face as disabled and multiply marginalized individuals (the majority of the people who come are also LGBTQIA+ and/or BIPOC). That space has been an actual life saver for me and so many others, and I am so grateful that I have had the opportunity to help run and organize that space for so long.

I am beyond grateful for the opportunities that I have found to engage with my communities virtually in pursuit of Disability Justice. I have found myself much busier and more fulfilled being able to participate in so many amazing virtual events and give back to my community in this way. While many able-bodied folks complained about how awful it was to be stuck at home during the lockdowns, for me that was the life I had already known. I was tremendously grateful to see so many spaces shift to allow for virtual participation and find new ways to engage with the community. For me, that is a gift that I found through the pandemic. I hope that in the future organizers can continue to make events and community spaces more accessible to everyone by also offering virtual opportunities for engagement.

Witnessing the horrors of the pandemic was incredibly overwhelming and terrifying in numerous ways. I struggled a lot with being frozen in fear and not knowing what I could do to help. In contrast to my anger about all of the selfishness that many people were exhibiting, I found hope in seeing all of the mutual aid happening around me, and I wondered how I (given my limited resources and physical abilities) could give back too. I tried to move my way through the dread and outrage by focusing on the love and generosity I saw. There was a lot of ugly but there was also a lot of beauty. I took this opportunity as a call to action for me to put my organizational skills to work, fighting against systemic injustice and oppression by creating a deeper connection with my community and others.

Themes:

Care & COVID 19Community Connection & IsolationDisability/ImmunocompromisedEssayEssential WorkIdentity & Social ChangeInspiration & HopeMental Health/WellbeingOrganizing & Movement BuildingRemote ConnectionsWork/Unemployment

Medium: Written

Author: Catherine

Date Submitted: November 22, 2023

Bio:

Catherine holds a BA in Sociology from New College of Florida and has completed the Disability Justice Leadership training by the Disability Arts and Culture Project (DACP) in Portland, OR. Throughout her life, she has actively engaged in leadership roles for social justice causes, starting in high school in the 1990s when she was chosen as a peer educator on HIV/AIDS. For the past decade, she has navigated life with a diagnosis of Multiple Sclerosis (MS), although she had wrestled with various symptoms long before that. In her professional career, Catherine served as a project and account manager for a software company until her MS diagnosis ultimately led to the loss of her job. By merging her lived experience of disability with her unwavering dedication to social justice, Catherine has found meaning and community in building grassroots Disability Justice projects.

Written Story by Soup

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“After two years of near monastic devotion to safety, my girlfriend of eight years and I caught COVID. She caught it from work — Her only unsafe activity being the compulsory one. I caught it from her — The only person left in my life that I had not quarantined myself from. I write this from my sickbed. I’m trying to ignore the fire in my throat and the funny feeling that claws with every painful breath.

Three months ago, my Dad died from long term medical neglect. His death and the consequent discovery of the severity of his neglect was monumental. It was a bomb with a sparkling fuse, thrown into the already shaky remains of my life in a post-pandemic world. The night before I knew my dad was dead, I stayed up all night watching Russia invade Ukraine on CNN.

When I forced myself to go back to work two weeks later, (my job making pizza crust is essential, after all), the IPCC delivered their new dismal report on the state of our climate. In the weeks before I got sick with COVID, a barrage of legislation passed to restrict the rights of trans people. My girlfriend didn’t feel safe coming to and from work anymore. As I lay in bed, near delirium with a plague induced fever, the entire country took off their masks and declared the pandemic finally over.

I’d known for months I was close to the breaking point. I could not say how close. Now, I know I am at it.”

I wrote this in April of 2022. More than a year has passed, and I find myself thinking more and more about the concept of a breaking point.

Something broke in me when I caught COVID for the first time. Fatigue made a home in my bones. Insecurity became a familiar. I finally understood that the instability I was feeling would not go away. It felt in my body like the breaking of a bone under pressure. The pressure hasn’t lifted.

Every problem I was worried about in April of last year is worse and more complex now, like a knot you just can’t unwind. I don’t have to tell you about the war, or the fascists threatening transness, or the lack of masks. You know these issues the way I do, as the children of familiar friends that you’ve watched grow up.

I’ve had COVID twice more since that first time. I still wear an N-95, I avoid large public gatherings, and I’m vaccinated. But it doesn’t matter, because my partner is an essential worker. A play-with-it-until-it-breaks essential worker. Free to use and free to throw away essential worker.

Of course, they don’t call us that anymore. They just tell us to get back to work. I don’t think of my breaking point the same way I did last year. A person does not break all at once, like shattered glass. They break in chunks, like the cliffs slowly eroded by the waves. I’m breaking every day, sometimes in catastrophic landslides, but more often through the slow and steady erosion of everything that mattered to me in a Life Before COVID.

Themes:

Care & COVID 19EssayGrief & ChangeIdentity & Social ChangeMental Health/WellbeingWork/Unemployment

Medium: Written

Author: Soup

Date Submitted: November 22, 2023

Bio:

An anarchist, former essential worker, survivor of interesting times. Born in Portland, Oregon.